In Lagos, there exists a brand of commercial bus called Molue. It is practically peculiar to the megacity. A ride on it is jolly, funky and sometimes kinky. JIBOLA OYEKUNLE explores this weird but fun way of commuting. Scene 1: The long, rickety, yellow bus coughs and puffs laboriously as it trudges sluggishly on the asphalt coated road that connects Abule Egba to Oshodi in the megacity of Lagos. The dark diesel infested smoke that trails after it also seeps into the nostrils and eyes of practically all its occupants making some of them to scowl albeit unconsciously.
On the narrow stretch that partitions the rows of seats practically busting at the seams with occupants stands another mass of people who outnumbers those sitting down.The occupants of the bus wear different expressions and are engaged in one activity or another. Just as they gain entry, some men struggle to stand behind female passengers.
Eventually, one of them succeeds in standing behind a female passenger. After some time he begins to press his himself hard against her backside and continues to press even harder as the bus sways from side to side. Many of the other occupants now focus on them watching bemusedly through their teary eyes.
Those who expect the woman to rebuff the unsolicited amorous overtures from the ‘gentleman’ are disappointed as she looks the other way feigning ignorance of the situation. But as soon as she observes more roving eyes of other passengers she immediately mumbles words of protests, asking the woman in front of her to shift forward.
But it soon becomes obvious that the duo are enjoying the game when neither of them chooses to take a seat which has become vacant, following the exit of one of the passengers on the seats.They both remain standing until another man takes over the vacant seat, while they continue their smooching.
In no time some wetness of sorts appears on the man’s crotch. Watchers of the erotic scene? Some giggle, others hiss and a few others who found the drama hilarious, burst into laughter. Welcome to the Molue, Lagos’ mass transit bus to the masses. Among other commercial vehicles, it has been found to be the masses’ choice especially because of its affordable fares.
For this reason, it is not uncommon to see a Molue carrying more than the required number of passengers with those standing almost often outnumbering those sitting.
It was this particular oddity that the late Afrobeat maestro, Fela Anikulapo Kuti tried to capture when he sang “49 sitting, 99 standing” in one of his hit tracks, “Shuffering and Shmiling”. Recent findings by Saturday Mirror have however revealed that the affordable nature of the fare is not the only reason why many prefer to board the often worn-out but rugged vehicle.
A number of the passengers have been found to savour the fun offered by the peculiar composition of the passengers. Checks have revealed that such degree of cooperation the man in the above episode enjoyed with his female partner is a regular experience among passengers who indulge in unruly sexual acts while standing on board of the molue.
The above scenario was replicated in another trip from Obalende to Oshodi, in which male and female passengers were seen savouring mutually beneficial romance in different manners and styles to the puzzlement of the watching co-passengers.
Particularly astonishing was when a young guy and another young lady were seen standing face-to-face with each other. The duo, hiding under the guise of the congestion in the bus, worsened by the ceaseless swerving of the vehicle, obviously snuggled in the manners of two lovers embarking on pre-sexual adventure.
A new dimension was added when another man, who must have been moved by this passionate display, moved closer to the lady and pressed his manhood against her from the back. But in what looked like a suggestion that she was not a free for all, the lady disengaged from the new entrant and further tilted towards the man in front of her.
When she realized that the man behind her was proving unyielding she practically shielded her buttocks against him using one of her hands.Having been moved by the sight of others enjoying escalating sexual pleasure with their various partners and determined not to be left behind, another male passenger decided to try his luck with another female occupant of the bus. The man made surreptitious moves to smooch a woman standing in front of him.
Like others, he pressed himself against her. But she was obviously not ready to welcome the unsolicited overtures. After a failed effort to resist the man, she looked back and gave him a warning look. But he persisted. Suddenly, the woman turned round and gave him a slap. This instantly drew everybody’s attention.
Surprisingly, the man did not retaliate; he gallantly endured the embarrassment even as passengers who were closely watching the drama burst into laughter. “It served him right,” one of the female passengers remarked. Another retorted: “He is an animal. These stupid men think it is every woman that is as loose as those that are giving them audience.I wonder why some men just can’t control themselves even in a public bus.
If the woman had not slapped him, he would have continued pressing himself against her. Nonsense!” For some of the married and few single women who were mostly traders, it was gossip galore as they delved into discussions, in the course of which they carelessly let out their best-kept family secrets. One of the women who sat behind this reporter was heard telling her colleague how her husband abandoned her and the children and eloped with his lover. Narrating her plight to her friend, she said: “Men are not reliable at all. Any woman who relies on them is doomed. Can you believe that Baba Taoheed whom I married when he was nobody has abandoned me and the children to stay with another woman?Today, I can say that I am the brain behind his success because I was the one who established him. I gave him the money, which he used to start his business. Before he met his current lover, he was having an affair with a woman on our street.
“This woman knows me and greets me whenever we meet and I never suspected there was something between her and my husband until one day when her fiancé caught the two of them and disgraced them. I was in the market when someone came to inform me that a young man was harassing my husband for snatching his wife to be.I found it difficult to believe the gist in the first place because never in my wildest imagination had I thought that my husband would ever cheat on me. But to my greatest surprise, I got to the scene only to confirm what I had been told.
“My husband could not even talk. He was dumbfounded when I asked him if the accusation against him was true. It was a shock to me when I found out that the woman in question was the same that always greeted and respected me.”
As she was narrating her plight, another who was not involved in the discussion and probably waiting for such opportunity to ventilate her feelings took over from her. “I believe men are the same. Your own case is even better. My husband who calls himself a pastor has been busy sleeping around with different women.The worst he did lately was having an affair with my younger sister. Before I caught the two pants down in our matrimonial bedroom, a neighbour had earlier raised a suspicion that she noticed that something was going on between my husband and my sister.
“She had caught the two of them sitting down together in a questionable manner the day she barged into our living room to ask after me and she drew my attention to it when I came back from the market that day but I never believed her until I caught them. “When I reported him to his parents, I was surprised that all they could say was to tell me to be calm.They cautioned me not to pick up quarrels over the incident as it could ruin my marriage. It was the same advice my parents gave me. The experience has remained a sore in my mind. Since then I have taken my mind away from and concentrated on my children and my business,” she said.
In another trip, it was a case of pilfering. The comic scene saw a male pickpocket stealthily removing a cell phone from a female passenger’s bag. But luck ran against him as another passenger, who was quick to detect his act, raised the alarm.This drew the attention of the victim and other passengers. In an attempt to wriggle out of the situation, the smart crook immediately pulled a defence, claiming that he was merely helping the lady to pick the phone. Not all passengers bought his lie.
A few of them descended on him with many punches and slaps. It took pleas from some compassionate co-passengers to save him from further torture. For fear of further attacks, the culprit alighted from the bus at Iyana Oworo, a few bus stops away from Oshodi, which was supposed to be his final destination. Another common scene in this copy of a badly scripted Nollywood comedy film which travelling in molue could be likened to is the theatricals of their drivers, conductors and even the passengers.
They all at different periods of any journey act an unscripted drama. Such was the situation when our reporter boarded one from Iyana Ipaja to Oshodi recently. Immediately the bus took off from the park, the driver left no one in doubt that he was capable of being the lead actor; he rammed into the road without paying attention to the safety of other road users. He simply intimidated them to vacate the facility and his weapons were the noisy horn of his vehicle and poisonous smoke emitted by its broken exhaust pipe. His recklessness, however, earned him curses and protests from the passengers.
The conductor on his part had a running battle collecting fares from some of the passengers who were unwilling to pay. There were times he had to resort to violent and aggressive means to get them to pay. These included snatching their personal belongings, such as shoes or sandals and giving them conditions to pay or forfeit the confiscated items.
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